When To Move On

I get asked a lot from friends and clients when it’s time to move on. How long are you supposed to wait for someone? Timing is such a big part of why relationships either fail or succeed it sometimes feels like that’s the biggest obstacle. It’s hard to let go of someone that we love but what if they are holding us back? How long do you wait around and see if the relationship will ever turn into something more? Sometimes being patient can get you what you want but… what’s the time frame?

In our 20s, it’s much easier to stay in a relationship that isn’t completely fulfilling us because we have the luxury of time. In our 30s, we start feeling the pressure of “shit or get off the pot”, a term I have definitely used in my past relationships. And while I can name many couples who stuck it out and waited for their partner to catch up, most of these relationships started when they were in their 20s. Being patient when you have the years to do so doesn’t feel as big of a sacrifice as it does when you’re running up against the clock.

I remind my friends and clients (and even myself) that there isn’t just one right person for you. You will have relationships at different times of your life that will serve different purposes. Some might be rebounds to help us get through tough breakups, others could be more of a fling when you’re not quite ready to settle down and some relationships can feel like the real thing but we ourselves weren’t emotionally, financially or even mentally ready for that type of commitment and we somehow sabotage the relationship. Every heartbreak can be a learning lesson to help you become the best version of yourself for when you meet someone who is on the same page as you. We sometimes hold on to past relationships because we feel as though we won’t find anyone else who will love us, put up with our antics or whatever your excuse might be but that’s simply not true. It’s only true if you believe it to be true.

I had a client recently tell me she knew the guy she was dating was not the right one for her but she had a hard time letting go of the relationship. As we peeled back the layers of why she was holding on, she revealed that she truly believed she wouldn’t find anyone else. She is a beautiful 32 year old woman in a successful career. Why on earth would she think she won’t meet anyone better? This guy has never taken her out to dinner and made her feel as though she was less than him. I asked her if she would want her best friend to go out with a guy who acted just as he had with her. She immediately answered, “NO WAY!!” Interesting she didn’t give herself the same care she would give her friends. I told her that she has to truly believe she deserves better and that she will find it otherwise, she will keep meeting one loser after the next.

Have you ever been in one of those relationships where the other person is prioritizing something else over you? They might ask you to wait around until a project is done, until they move apartments, change jobs, lose weight, whatever it may be. This is when you listen to your gut. Your intuition will always be spot on. Do you feel like this person is worth waiting for? Do you trust that once they cross a particular hurdle that they will be ready for a serious relationship with you? Do you have the time to wait? Ask yourself these questions and write down the answers in a journal. What would you tell your best friend to do?

We have all heard of relationships when they break up for a period of time and end up together, happily ever after. Did one person wait around for the other or did they both move on, grow and then come back together stronger? If you’re in a situation where you’ve been waiting for someone to come back into your life, I would highly recommend to emotionally separate from this person. If they truly love you and want you in their lives, they will feel the energy shift and will realize they don’t want to lose you. If they weren’t serious about you, you’ve given yourself a huge gift by finally moving on. You’re the lead actor of your life, not a supporting character of someone else’s life. Prioritize yourself, your needs and desires and you will attract people that will align with you.

You’re amazing so only surround yourself with people who KNOW you are amazing too.

xo,

AM