Ageism In Dating

I have had a lot of conversations with clients and people I have recruited into the database about ageism in dating. Most of you are probably blaming the gentlemen on this one but it stems from women as well. We have our minds set on exactly who we are looking for and don’t want to stray from that image. And the older you get you start to think, “why should I settle?”. NYC is a difficult place to date. We value our careers vs. personal relationships here and treat each other like we’re disposable. That is exactly why we need to have more of an open mind when it comes to dating.

Most women want to meet a man around their own age or maybe a bit older. As we reach closer to 40, most of the men are terrified of meeting a woman after 32. I have heard numerous times from men, “I don’t want to have a baby tomorrow.” Well, it takes about 10 months for the baby to come so that’s physically impossible but I have to remind these guys over and over that you can have children in your later 30s and early 40s. My sister had twins at 42. No, she did not use In Vitro. I also have to remind these 45 year old guys that if they marry a 30 year old who doesn’t want to have kids for 3-4 years (this is what they say they want), they will have babies in their 50s. Sometimes men forget that it’s not just us women who age, they age too!

I was chatting with a 43 year old guy I recruited for my 41 year old client and he mentioned he didn’t want to date over 35 because he “didn’t want kids tomorrow.” I asked him to explain the timeline he was looking for. He said he would like to meet a woman, date for at least a year before getting engaged and then marry the year after. He thought it would be fun to be married for a few years and travel before thinking about having children. So that’s 5 years before the baby comes. I asked him to say out loud how old he will be at his child’s high school graduation. Yes, I was trying to spook him and it worked. He went out with my 41 year old client and guess what? He liked her! They had a great time. He told me after that they had so much in common and were in similar places in life, which was something he had not experienced in a long time.

That same 41 year old client was profusely against dating someone who was 50 or older. She thought her youthful spirit would not match his ready to retire attitude. He was a very successful 52 year old who was not slowing down any time soon but she couldn’t get past his age even though I told her he was tall and handsome! I finally convinced her to try the date and I think you know where this is going. She liked him a lot.

If we can get over our own obstacles we have created for ourselves, we can open up so many new opportunities. Just because that love didn’t look like what you thought it would doesn’t mean it will be any less real or profound.

Be brave this week and go outside of your dating comfort zone and see how it feels. You just might surprise yourself!



Anna Morgenstern