Don't Be Hard On Yourself

Another one bites the dust. You were really excited about someone new when all of a sudden, they disappear. Or maybe they told you they don't see a future with you. Either way, you are disappointed and confused. You probably dissected every single interaction to figure out exactly what went wrong. Maybe you found one or two moments that you decide must be the reason they didn't want to see you anymore. Let the self blame roll...

While it is very important to reflect and understand the consequences of our actions, most of the time the reason someone doesn't want to see us anymore has nothing to do with us. You never know what else they have going on in their lives that does not involve you at all. Maybe they are dating a few people at the same time and decided to take it further with someone else. Or maybe they decided they aren't ready for anything serious and felt you might have wanted more than what they were able to give at that time. There are many reasons why a new connection didn't develop into more but either way don't be too hard on yourself. 

You are a wonderful person who maybe isn't perfect but that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of people out there who think you would be perfect for them. If someone you really liked didn't end up liking you back, it's OK. You will be just fine. You were fine before them and I can promise you that you will be fine after them. Maybe even better. Every interaction helps us learn more about ourselves and what we need out of a relationship. If someone doesn't meet your needs, that doesn't mean you are needy. It means they did not meet your needs. That's all. You are allowed to have needs and there will be someone else (multiple others) who will gladly meet them. The sooner you can recognize that this person is not the right person for you, the sooner you will be available to meet someone who is. 

I'm not saying you are 100% perfect the way you are - there is always room for self improvement. No one is perfect but what makes us amazing is our ability to change and adapt. So, the next time we are disappointed that something didn't work out, dust yourself off and decide to better yourself in one new way. Maybe start taking yoga classes or cook yourself healthy meals for the entire week. Do something that will serve you in a positive way instead of laying in bed blaming yourself for something that maybe isn't your fault. 

It's OK to be sad about something not working out but turn that into a positive. Perhaps it didn't work out with this person but you joined a meditation community and met 5 awesome new friends. I'd much rather have several like-minded new friends than date some guy who didn't appreciate me anyway. 




Anna Morgenstern