Fear Of Rejection

I’ve recently started working with more coaching clients, I guess people are finally back from their summer travels! In the beginning of the coaching program we talk about what’s holding them back. What’s the one thing keeping them from putting themselves out there? The same answer keeps coming up, over and over. Fear of rejection. There is this inane fear within us that we’re not good enough or that no one will ever love us. After countless date refusals or rebuffed flirtation attempts, many people feel like they want to stop trying. Maybe something is wrong with them. I’m here to tell you it’s not personal.

The first thing we look at is who are they trying to pursue. It’s really important to understand that you must mirror the person you want to meet. If you want someone who is in great shape, has a beautiful face, is successful and outgoing you must ask yourself if you are those characteristics as well. Are you in great shape? Are you happy in your career? Why would someone who has everything together want to go out with someone who doesn’t? It doesn’t make sense, right? You need to have your expectations in line. If you’re a little overweight, you’re going to attract someone who also has a few extra pounds. That’s OK. If you’re not OK with that then work on yourself first and take a break from dating. Only start dating once you feel like you’re at your best.

Of course you should always go after what you want but it has to make sense. When you’re job hunting, you only apply for jobs that you’re qualified for. Maybe you apply for that role that’s a bit out of your experience but you probably don’t get asked for an interview. Same thing with dating. Go for what you want as long as it’s within your reach.

Your rejection rates will be much lower once you start approaching people that are appropriate for you. You want to be with someone who feels lucky to be with you! It is a bit of a numbers game so you’ll get more nos than yeses. You only need that one yes to make it all worth it. Keep your head up and don’t take it personally. There are multiple people out there who will think you’re a total catch so don’t let yourself sit under a dark cloud just because a few people said no. It’s your job to stay positive, put yourself out there and trust that you’re worthy of a great love.

It will all be worth it once you meet that person who says HELL YES to you!



Anna Morgenstern