Resurrecting A Relationship

Sometimes the ghosts come back as zombies - it's my belief almost all guys come back around. I've even had married ex-boyfriends drunkenly "poke" me on Facebook. If one of these zombies is someone you'd like to try again with, it's important to do it right, from the beginning. 

You should treat it like you've just met. It's easy to fall back into old patterns and the reasons you two stopped talking the last time will be just as present this time around. Really evaluate if this is someone you want back in your life. Write out the reasons it didn't work last time and see if these are things you could live with again. If he was bad about texting you during the week, that's something that probably won't change. If he was always prioritizing his friends over you, it might not be any different this time. Or maybe it was just a few dates and he disappeared. Think about those dates and if you two really connected. Maybe he was seeing someone else at the same time and decided to pursue that relationship instead. That's not necessarily a punishable offense but he did pick someone else over you. Best solution either way is to take it slow. Don't jump back into being fully together again. Go on dates and get to know each other again. 

If he reached back out but hasn't initiated a date, try to flirt a bit over text so he gets the hint it's OK to ask you out. He's probably trying to feel it out if you're at all interested again. Send some flirty texts giving him the green light. If there is a fun event you're going to soon, let him know you're going and it would be fun to see him there. Some guys need a little encouragement. If he turns up, then you know he is interested in pursuing things. If he doesn't, maybe he isn't serious about seeing you again. This is a good way to figure out his true intentions so you're not spending weeks or even months texting with him but unsure where things are going. It's OK to take the lead in certain circumstances. 



Anna Morgenstern