Sit Back And Observe

My sister has told me for years about a conversation she had with her guy friend about entering a new relationship. She would ask him for his opinion on relationships and dating and if the women should guide the men to fulfill their needs. Women are constantly telling men what they want and expect from a relationship and maybe the man will change to accommodate the woman but we all know how well that usually works!

Her friend told her that men don’t really change. You have to observe and see how they behave in the relationship. If you’re able to deal with it, great! Keep on dating! But if you witness behavior that makes you unhappy or does not align with how you want to be treated, walk away. Don’t try to change the man or tell him constantly what he needs to be doing to make you happy because he might change for a brief amount of time but he’ll always go back to who he really is. If he’s someone who is messy and never makes his bed, you might be able to nag him into doing it for a few weeks but he’ll eventually go back to leaving it unmade every morning. Is that something you can live with? If that’s his worst quality, you’re pretty lucky. Maybe he goes out with his friends every Thursday night and doesn’t text you the entire night or when he gets home before bed. Is that something that causes you stress and anxiety every week? That might be a behavior you can’t live with and should walk away. It’s a sign that he doesn’t respect you or the relationship, especially if he knows that his behavior will cause you to be upset.

Sure you can share with your partner things they could be doing that will make you happier in the relationship and maybe they truly will want to accommodate your feelings but be prepared that those changes may not last. The sooner you leave a relationship that isn’t working for you the sooner you can meet someone who will meet all of your needs without you having to ask.

So, if you’re currently in a relationship, take a few weeks to just observe. Don’t give your partner any notes on how they can improve and just see how they behave on their own free will. Are they the kind of person you want to be with? Are you overall happy with how they carry themselves? Are you happy with how they treat you? This is what the majority of your life will look like with this person. Do you want to spend your life with someone telling you constantly how you can change? Probably not. You want someone who accepts you for who you are. Sure there are little things we can all improve on but the core of who we are will never change.

If you’re single, truly get to know anyone new you’re bringing into your life and really look at their lifestyle, how they treat their friends, anything that gives you real clues into who they are. We can often get swept up in new relationships and focus on the exterior when we should be looking at the interior. The Exterior is much easier to change!

So sit back and observe… hopefully you’ll like what you see!



Anna Morgenstern