The Love Pentagon

Watching Bachelor in Paradise this week has opened the flood gates for conversations around hooking up with multiple people and how each person involved feels after the fact. There is nothing wrong with being sexually active, that’s 100% your choice, but you do need to take responsibility for what happens after… that includes the ladies just as much as the guys.

I think we can see how a casual hookup is never really that casual. One person might think the experience meant a lot more than it did to the other person. Maybe you went into it thinking it was just sex but now you feel a bit sad that the relationship won’t go anywhere.

I am constantly asking my clients and friends to wait before becoming intimate with someone they are interested in. You don’t really know someone in the beginning - you’re really just seeing the good stuff - so it’s important to not let the physical attraction cloud the mental and emotional connection. When women have sex, they release a chemical called Oxytocin, which is the drug that makes us feel like we are in love. You might not even know this guy’s last name but all of a sudden, BOOM, you’re in love! Except you’re not, not really. You’re infatuated. Your brain is basically lying to you.

This is why it’s so important to hold off on the physical intimacy until you’re certain you care about this person enough to pursue a relationship and they feel the same way. Of course there are couples who hooked up on a first date and got married - there are always exceptions - but you want to give yourself the best chance to end up with the person you really care about and do everything you can from your end to avoid being hurt.

Is Blake a bad guy because he hooked up with two different girls he wasn’t in a relationship with? No but it does make one think that he might not be ready for a relationship. He was having fun being single and two girls happened to want to sleep with him - can’t really blame him. He does need to take responsibility that doing something like that of course wouldn’t make either girl feel very good. People will always try to get away with whatever they can so that’s why it’s your responsibility to show with your actions how you want to be treated and have the strength to walk away if the other person can’t meet the bar you’ve set.



Anna Morgenstern