The Fear Of Blind Dates

This last month of matchmaking has been INCREDIBLE! I've had a few dates where both parties wanted to see each other again (YAY!) and a few dates where they didn't. Either way, everyone is nervous going into the date blind. My clients and their dates have NO IDEA what their date will look like. I try to be as descriptive as possible when describing the person they will be meeting but there is something exciting in going into a situation with no expectations. 

These days we can find out so much about each other... before even meeting. You might know where they went to school, where they work, what their ex looks like or if they've had any arrests. We create a preconceived judgment in our minds with all of this information overload. We might already assume they are big partiers and go out way too much because of photos you found on their social media. Maybe you saw a photo of them in a terrible outfit circa 2006 and now find them less attractive. You could assume you're not their type if you look nothing like their ex. All of these assumptions could ruin your chances to connect on the first date. If you already think they aren't for you, chances are you will look for any reasons you can to prove that to be true. 

Imagine going on the date without any assumptions. Entering the restaurant or bar without any judgments or reasons why you won't like them will help you have an open mind and an open heart. Developing a deep connection goes beyond looks or basic stats. Getting to know your date's passions and future goals will help you build a strong foundation for a relationship right at the very beginning. 

How many times have you been on a date and felt like you were in an interview? That's the absolute worst way to create a connection. Yes, it's great to hear your date's stats - where they went to school, where they work, where they live, etc. - but what are you really learning about them?

In the last month I have learned that men are much more skeptical when it comes to blind dates than women. Typically, women care more about status (where does he work, how much does he earn) while men care much more about looks. Women would like someone attractive but status is rated higher. Men can appreciate someone who has a career but that's less important to them than looks. Because of this, men are more nervous about the dates being blind. They want to make sure she is beautiful and thin and she meets their standards. I suppose that's fair but love is a bit of a gamble either way... why not try something different. Clearly they are still single for a reason. Maybe they haven't been picking the right women for them in the past and need someone to put them at the same table as someone who is well suited for them. 

At the end of the day, looks fade but a deep connection withholds the test of time. You definitely should be attracted to your date but if you're looking for something serious, see if you have common interests and if you want to live life the same way. You might find the attraction growing after you bond on similarities. 

Take a leap of faith and go for it! You might be telling your future kids the funny store of how you met their mom or dad...

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Anna Morgenstern